A Poem

There was a poem here

it was full of words 

that would've spoke
straight to your heart

but I deleted them

you don't need to know 

I still think about you

Right here is where 

there would've been something 

about what it felt like

to touch you

listen to you

This is the place where

I would've told you how it felt 

to be with someone like you

the miracles and the magic

the butterflies and the anticipation

but I deleted them

Here's where I told
the concocted version of you

because the only you I knew
was the you in my head

birthed by what you didn't say

and the master-ship of my imagination

And the conclusion was

something like a reminder

that when it feels like family -- run

and when you can never know the truth

so chapters close

a poem can be a fitting beginning to the end

 

Brotha

I'll never call you daddy
you could never be second best
a divine mind
love of a lifetime
my love given to no one less

you're driving through my veins
pure quality
mainlined everything about you
through time
waited until timelines
crossed like times
I'm gonna give my best

Closer than a brotha
like my own kin
whole-soul'd
this kinda of love
can only begin within

Closer than a friend
my witness
two as one
when you're blessed by the son
this kinda of love
can only begin within

Weakness
your love hits me
bending me
upward
supple our kisses
potent
enough to set this world on fire

Closer than a brotha
like my own kin
whole-soul'd
this kinda love
can only begin within
I feel safe within our love

I could sing about the stars
as your cradle
the moon a spotlight just for you
but our love makes it impossible
to think of us as two

Infinite
our love has been through time
that's why I remember you
we come back to this place to remember
no matter, whatever, we are never through
Cause you are

Closer than a brotha
like my own kin
whole-soul'd
this kinda love
can only begin within

Take Back

He was my muse
I know I said he was
I guess that's why I can't trust myself anymore
Since I lied
I immortalized an ego in black and white
Gave it verse
Made it real
Shame on me
I'm the reason the tree of good and evil
Will never be felled
I accepted the suggestion of the humbly-conceited
Bit from my own wish to know
What it's like to love illusion
so I loved him
I said he was my muse
And it's a shame
how I wish to rip up the air
To take back those words

Newborn

My skin feels like

all the nerves are poking out 

grated and sprinkled with salt

I thought after awhile

I could keep hiding 

I could keep looking under rocks
thinking I would be there

There is nothing in between 

me and I and you and 

I will not assume I know anymore

I will not assume I know

I will watch bodies turn to ghosts

in the revelation that I do not know

and I no longer wish to pretend I do

I'm leaving control to those better at the reigns

power and kindness are not mutually exclusive

and my nerves feel like thorns
pressed against newborn flesh
and my eyes close to see my savior

Passive

Spent a lot of time
under a gaze
Spent time using swords
for nothing
I don't want to waste
anymore time
being someone I'm not
Didn't know so long ago
I walked into a crowd
that wasn't mine
Shifted my core
just so I could be seen
Now I wad up this person
And throw it into the depth of me
and allow a greater mind
To make prototype
real
No longer to be passive
in my own life

King and I

He stood in his height
and no matter how he turned his face
I could not find a flaw
I served his beauty
bowed to the majesty
made love to him
like queen and concubine
but he was invested in playing the fool

Jester to his own weakness
clown to his own fears
I bowed to him
he bowed to nothing
but the vacancy of feelings in himself

His silliness made me the joke
on everyone's lips
his blindness meant
he couldn't see his own majesty
so he played the slave
but no matter how he turned his face
I would not see a flaw

I could not see anything
until it all fell down
the juggling of his foolish folly and lies
hit the ground crying
so invested in playing the jester
he would not take his throne
so I bowed to the King and I
walked away

Conception

There must have been links
in the spaces of my creation
links which would lead you
to finding me again

There must have been something
in the division of my cells
which allowed my twin
to develop in another body

There must have been something
in your first cry
which made me want to push free
the thought of you not being there
shook my tiny body
so I screamed

Held onto anybodies hand
waiting for yours
gave away kisses
waiting for yours
Let my soul be opened
waiting for yours

There must have been singing across creation
the day I became aware of myself
the moment I looked in your eyes
when conception became reality

Everything

My love is like silence
full of everything worth it
leaving everything one
and alive

My life is rich and round
like a mother's belly
I count fingers and toes
though stretched minds
anticipating and laughing

My love is like nothing
leaving everything I am

Listen to Me

You are the breaks in my silence
I am the rhythm that bobs your head
the liquid that hits your hips and makes them loose
I am what makes your body lean
the earthquake to your nervous system
listen to me
you can't help but to listen to me
I am your meditation
I stop your thoughts
and leave you in bliss
I am the pulse and the slosh
of the blood through your veins
you create images of me in meter and rhyme
like metronomes trying to catch me in time
I am heard at the center of moans
You can find me in a kiss
and the breaking dawn
listen to me
you can't help but to listen to me

Understand

I don't think we ever knew each other

I think through all the talking

we were hiding in the silence

in all the omissions and secret places

you knew something

I didn't want to believe true but probably is

I think the many cards laid on the table

were a way for us to feel

but facts aren't essence

and it's always easy
to let someone else take over

to play the hand we were too afraid to expose

suggestions of truth

lead to images

and too many suggestions

keep emotions ankle deep and safe

to peel open and to let the soul be sliced

to expose something dark

people to paste shadows to 

and nothing more

or people twinned separated at life 

and nothing less

I don't think we ever knew each other

I think we looked into eyes that
weren't windows but mirrors
and shuttered at the thought

of the images telling the truth

Or maybe there's something in you

I can never understand

so I'll turn off the light in me

for you

Idols

ring the bell
arrange the petals
light the incense
close my eyes
Om

tearing up my soul
looking for it
weeping at my existence
questioning it
walking across
the silver cord that is my life
in ice skates
tempting it to save me Om

I listen to the wind in the trees
have myself anointed with oil
sip green tea
and cover myself in labels
yet it doesn't come

the satisfaction refuses to descend
no matter how hard I rub
how good I act
how much I hide Om

I cut my flesh
to find where it's hiding
it explodes my chest open
with hope of finding it
seeing love with no object
I know it's there
so I

close my eyes
light the incense
arrange the petals
ring the bell
Om

Speak to Me

So receptive to you
everything in me questions
the idea of the duo
we seem to be

I yank on the strings
of my inner being
your voice rings in echo

Harmonies were made
to emulate the staves of your voice
I close my eyes to see
life's spectrum descend
daisies bloom in your shadow

I watch for you
your appearance
like a person who
can see to the heart of mischievous child
alighting it with love

Listening to the walls grow around me
You say
speak to me
my response
your servant listens

Fuzzy

What did you think I would do
treated like diamonds
evaluated like a Pinto
dropped like a piece of molten shit

You thought because
I flexed like clay under warm fingers
you could say anything
and I would swoon
you were right
but being smart is your only strength

Leave depth to the oceans
your plumb-line
is a tack strung with spit
upon which you hung this idea
that you're the only one who knows the game

Punk little sucka
I know
you thought I wouldn't call you
by the names you call yourself
I read braille
let me touch you back

You thought I succumbed
to the weakness you hide
thought the leash was for one
the reason I still feel you is
you're still looking

So bypass me with the flint
you build around yourself
inside
you're like a fuzzy bitch
so
let me touch you back

Of the Earth

Looked at myself this morning
tilted my head forward
to watch the lines form in my eyes
practicing the smile made of silicon

If I peel back the layers
of skin to reveal the fake I feel
I think I would disappear

no matter how long the hair
how crisp the diction
how clear the intention to know myself

there's always inside me
the voice which sings to me of
my failures
my manipulations
my irrevocable choices
I rest

I don't look to my past to blame
or the various cutout faces
pasted together to create mine
I can't blame anything in my birth chart
of the way the galaxies parted
to let me enter life

falling down from nothing
a fireball of light to enter the womb
the wretched of the earth
I could be an angel fallen for my knowledge
I could be an angel fallen for a mission
to be the arch in the cycle of eternity
that leads back to peace

Strangled

Take these thoughts
from around my heart
I can't breathe
I want to be free
of these ties

I keep looking back
and getting burned by all the
radio-active truth bottled
in fond memories
lies stored away in stories
meant to keep me acting a part
I didn't not ask to play

I do not want these things
but this mind
it's locked into the story
and can't set itself free

I am strangled
I'm twisted in this history
subdued in knots
looking to the silence
that whispers my hope

Adam

He smells like
concrete and earth
conquered by raindrops
Red clay exposed
his skin
taken in lumps into my mouth
I let it crumble and seep into my pores
I want to smell that decedent and rich
The lines on my hands
collect the finer grains of his scent
I wonder if it lingered on Eve like cologne, too

Radically Feral

 Shake my skin
feeling to freedom
loosen the binds of other people's minds
pulling free of the leashes
collars drop
like necklines on double d's

Your ideas hang loose like old neck
I thought you better
but realized you're leashed
I hop walls and scale fences you built
while claiming love compels you
but I'll keep my mind free
like the ass of the fiercest twirker

You hate my freedom
I hate the layers of veils
covering your conscious
you forgot what this journey is for

Wishing you could see me
cause you think you do
but what you see
is really you

Trying to keep me caught in a story line
so you can reign
my knee hits the ground only to eternity

I take the ideas choking you
the beliefs you don't live
the script you want me to rehearse
and gift them to the void

My soul is feral in oneness
radical in it's freedom
and looking for it's genus...

Dontcha (Inspiration)

Like black licorice
I'm not supposed to like you
the bitter truth
I do

Lingering in my dreams
you taste like
a nasty beer
I enjoyed to the last drop
no
you can't run your fingers through my hair
but.
but...

I have life lingering on your taste buds
run your image of yourself through it
and notice my love leaves no after taste

You visit me
I stamp my soul passport
and travel to unknown lands
without needing to check in

Don't waste time
thinking about the timing
she's a kind bitch
and wants us to link in ways we knew already were

I won't pretend
you don't know
so stop pretending
I don't still shake your core
cause you still call me
even if it's in your mind

She knows and she should
passports are ready
leave fiction to the makers of illusions
and stay the night in my thoughts

Dontcha know
I love you
of course you do
but like black licorice
I'm not supposed to

Rubber Gloves

Open it
watch it ooze and leak
burst and puss
infected with some unspeakable thing

Examine it
roll it between pressed fingers
then wipe it on the secret corner of your flesh
with all the other unspeakable things

Cover it
pretend it's not there
and suffer
streaks of pain throb heartbeats
revealing the unspeakable things

Expose it
speak it's unspeakable name
and turn around
pulling off the rubber gloves
that protect you from feeling

Thought Soaked Fingers

taking trips around
my gene pool
finding more things hidden
in each ripple
I listen as my pen stutters
while I lean on things I don't understand

wrist ache scratching out names
and memories
so I just leave them in the sun
to burn
letting the light bleach scarlet off-pink

can't leap
I'm already three feet off the ground
can't wipe away
the face of the rushing river
I'm overwhelmed looking at it's consistency

silence
a ravenous place
where thoughts leave my mind
and soak my fingers
only to return me again
to itself

Bleeding and Broken

Hear it
the plops of thick thoughts
hitting the floor of my sadness
they link and create chains of
words I don't want to hear
but I listen

I listen as they bubble up
and fall from my eyes
why the twistedness of life
why the deepest craters of ugly things
why do they show up covered in glances and words

And words tear flesh better than knives
the tongue
a full arsenal of weapons
aimed for the softest organs
waiting to sever the veins of truth
and leave them flaccid and exposed

exposed by the weaknesses of the mind
wanting to be set free
it captures and binds
in pictures less than perfect
pushing cravings to the edge of impossible recovery
I wait for the sound of the dawn
the crinkling of the air under the weight of prayers

prayers sent far into myself
I wring my hands waiting for answers to manifest
knowing right timing has been fulfilled in the future
I hear my soul breaking open
so that my spirit can shine

No Vacancy

The bell is ringing
and the tapping fingers of fate
are repetitiously ticking
off the delay of my response
destiny can't see me
I'm hidden in Eternity

bitterness is screaming it's hungry
anger is pulling it's hair
blindness bumped into a wall
fear is seething
Because I no longer tend to them
I'm hidden in Eternity

trouble unpacks
packs and unpacks itself
in the lobby of my soul
looking for a place to hang it's bags
It can't understand
why don't answer it's call
I'm hidden in Eternity

unchanging circumstance
no miraculous interlude from the present
nothing in my situation has changed
I'm just hidden in Eternity

The sign was etched upon my doorpost
before the world began to spin
No vacancy to anything in time
I am a child of Forever
I am hidden in Eternity

He Said

He said
he'll never leave
so I walk away
to get caught up
in the tangles of life
like fingers in the kitchen of nappy hair
searching for freedom
like the prayers of the dying

He said
he has patience
so I allow myself
to wither and die
knotted, black, and naked
like a summer peach tree
until the spring
where life will gather all the fruits
of my gestation

He said
Love
He said love
like he was familiar with Her curves
like he kisses Her lips
aches for Her earth
and found Her in me
So I expose my darkness
let the pain unfurl
and I wait

I wait because
I have never heard
a soul speak from the invisible
never saw how breath gave life
never knew the tangibility of a blessing
until
He said...

Dance the Dead

swirled thoughts in my brain
like twisting liquid
I find humor in the inconsistencies
of my own being
laugh at the way i seem repellent
and watch how the seams unravel to expose
a depth any brave two year old could conquer

depicting lyrics of a time when
the pretense of love was at least clouded with
words that hid double meanings of
you could mean something to me
but
you don't

i seem to span distances of
everything and too much
a gleaming capstone of
void in the flesh
that is my name

wicked games are played
when one puts it to soundtracks
and leaning souls
looking for dance partners
with two left feet
void of hope

monopoly and time

take a step
but watch it close
there are holes covered in words
and thoughts covered in crafty games

take a look
but don't be blind
to what's going inside you
it speaks clearly
if you take the visions out of your eyes

take a dare to touch
but make sure the touch is
touching you
watch the way the hand curves over your hips
they my be tracing someone else's

if your time seems to be
wound up in expectations
and your time in between
in silence
even when words are bring spoken

don't trip
because monopoly ends
when the the winner has won
it's only a matter of time

tangled-up and free

i feel it again
the knot at the tip of my tongue
I'm missing the right angles that make it possible
for me to be free of this mess I've made

silly little girl
listening to the folds between someone elses knowledge
left wandering
lest I be still to long to make footprints in my own tears

I can feel the tension between
the thoughts that wish and the reality of this thing I have created
I can see the more I pull
the stronger the pain

I close my eyes
and ask my spirit to kiss me quick
cause I have never been this afraid of myself
dark nights and darker days
have different melodies
when they are played over hopes that fizzle

don't touch my heart
it's nappy
tightly curled in on itself
and there is no one with the right fingers to run through it

Unicorns

I wouldn't have believed what was seen
if I hadn't believed they existed

Right in my own yard
grazing on the grasses
I thought lacked nutrients
it stood there
looking at me
seeing me

The danger I felt as I approached
was incredible
that one horn poised at my heart
but I had to touch it
I had to get close to it's magnificence

When I summoned enough nerve
I touched it
it shifted it's weight
so I removed my hand
then noticed it had moved closer

My happiness
shining on my face
it pressed itself into me
eating from the light between both us
I digested the bliss

then noticed
I was pressed next to a face
my mouth in the hands of pure light
I shifted

the danger I felt
standing next to someone so magnificent
I could not stand to look for long
The greens I grazed
followed the footsteps of this being
and I was satisfied
I looked
I saw a blinding light
and it pulled me
it called my light

I wouldn't have believed what I had seen
had I not believed they existed

Desert Flower

I'm waiting for the rains to come
hidden within
I  breath
I survive
but I wait for the rains to come

Nothing covers me from the blazing sun
my beauty shines in it's rays
then I try to hide beneath the sharpness of thorns
the prickliness of leaves
it's all I have

Child of the desert
I breath
I survive
but I wait for the rains to come

I reach
I stretch towards hands that never pick me
cultivated flowers
planted in humid hot houses
sheltered and nurtured
they grow long and wide
I know nothing of that kind of touch

The hard baked ground is my mother
my father thinly veiled in my bloom
I breath
I survive
but I wait for the rains

The first signs of its coming
in the dampness of the air
I open easy
I wait vulnerable
for the first drops
as they fall caressing me
I open wider
the moment is fleeting
but I glory in the feeling when it arrives

I breath
I thrive


“The Black woman is the most unprotected, unloved woman on earth…she is the only flower on earth…that grows unwatered.”

Kola Boof, Egyptian-Sudanese-American novelist and poet

Visual Stimulation

He stands in profile

she stares

her eyes close 

to savor him 

this 

provoking an inner smile

She stares

while he talks

in her mind

she's running her hands 

around the inside of the waistband
and relishing the spilling stutters

She stares

he turns to walk toward her

so lost in her thoughts

she's too late to watch the waistband

hit the floor

Her lips pressed 

into the inside of his arm

he stares

her moans lost in her throat

he stares

he feels the pressure then the wet

She stares

his eyes lost somewhere in his pleasure

she stares
the pulsing and his growl

he stares
she stares

they kiss the sacred kiss

and embrace like lovers losing time

Remember

I remember God
when you touch me
I remember what it's like
to be recognized
deep down in places
I never knew were inside me
I remember why He created me
and pulled me into life

I remember God
when you kiss me
in it I remember a love so real
I forget it
because there's nothing else

I remember God
when we make love
and I surrender so fully
the boundaries of my skin dissolve
and I become immersed into endless

I welcome the little death
Where there is nothing left of me
to remember

Custom Fit

I place my hand over my heart/to pledge allegiance to the fidelity of my commitment/to honor you as you are/ The wind carries whispers of my desire to grow with you/toward you/ in you/ I do not pretend/ I am afraid of you/ Like a child standing/waiting for the big wave/ the fear of being taken over and under/ does not stop me from jumping in/Your voice is like a melody/ I close my eyes when you speak/ to savor you in my ears/ So full of life/ you shine/so full of love/ you expand/ and if ever we make love/ there will no end of it/ I fit you/I was made to hold/ everything a man could want to give/ Tuck me deep within the spaces of your life/ and I'll bend with you.

Galaxy

I watch something fall from the sky
try to trace it back
and wonder what it would be like
to land inside myself

I made the trip
but don't know where I am going
so I don't stop to pick up a souvenir
what I wouldn't give
to touch a true place again

I miss it
I miss it so much
I forget it is inside me
looking foolishly and everywhere
to find what is not lost

I lay down
close my eyes and turn into a galaxy
my face
the sun
my body
space
with an earth between my breast

I see eyes searching for me
I feel their wonder to know my meaning
so I fall from the sky to answer

Portrait

I told you my secrets
so I didn't have to learn to paint
You were the perfect black canvas
I could not display

Every stroke of sin I commited
you became uglier
and I told you the evil I did
when I accused you of doing it
then blamed you for holding it all
by locking you behind the words
no labels

Yet you kept listening
Until the day I realized
I loved you more than anything
and I had to let you go
before I hurt you

So I sliced the portrait
of the perfect one
releasing you
to be the love I could not show
taking back my true form

upload.wikimedia.org
Dorian Gray 1945

Simply Said

I want to be

swallowed up in someone

but I'm scared 

it will mean the end of me

it's what I'm used to doing

I want to love 

to truly know someone

but I'm scared 

it will mean we have to hear

those things we don't want to know

I want to surrender

into a place greater than one

but I'm scared 

it will mean seeing 

those ugly things I am 

in someone else

I want to say

I love you

and mean it

but I'm scared

Simply said

I'm scared

Just Hair

Like the branches of weeping willows
in old growth forests
full of moss and wisdom
growing and reaching
to embrace the earth

Sweeping
like finger tips caressing a lover
they follow natural curves
they listen to laughter
caught in the wind

I imagine if cut
you could see growth rings
thin or thick depending of
the love I've given

I grow them
not for vanity
but humility
to remind me
and to help me forget

more than just hair
it's a journey
to help me learn
to extend my arms
in every direction
 and embrace

Time Traveler

I don't know

what I feel for you

all I know is this feeling

is swallowing my memory of you

you're fading 

and I don't mind

The farther you get

the closer I am 

to remember something nice

about the whole thing

you've ruined me

now I know what it feels like

to find what I've been looking for

I must forget

so it doesn't drive me crazy

to see someone pick it up so easy

so sick of the sampler plates

of whatever this feeling is

I just want to believe 

you were a time traveler

come back from the future

to experience me again

Ghost

We're not friends

I'm not anything in your life
and if we saw each other again
I don't think I'd speak
silence says everything

I am neither
someone to remember
nor someone to forget
and if I touched you
my hand would probably
go right through

because I'm the ghost
of what could have been
I am the being which exists
after a decision is made

I am the being which exists
in the hallways between
that one and the one
and we're not friends

I'm not anything in your life

Love for Sale

His love is for sale
so I saved
time and naivete
but couldn't save enough
to make a payment

His love is for sale
so I pawned my gut feeling
and lost the ticket
now it hangs on his neck
thumping against her chest
as he leans to kiss her

His love is for sale
all I could do is window shop
his price
not in dollars
but in blindness
silence and ignorance to the truth
that his love is for sale

Pomegranates

I listen to the noise
waiting for something I understand
waiting for the definition
chewing the inside of my cheek
thinking inside my head
I want to know

I want It to define Itself
all I receive for my desire
is a memory and some melodies
I watched words
float over the inside of my forehead
trying to put them together
I lost my desire

I remember some feelings
I thought would tell me a story
I remember a touch, a grasp
I remember being held
I know now it wasn't It

Hungry
I search for something to eat
maybe delaying the feeling
would define It for me

I cut a pomegranate
watch it bleed
to my surprise there lay the answer
as I try carefully to bite into it's seeds
the juice stains everything it touches
my chin
lips and fingers
this is love It said

As careful as I am
a greater mess I make
each seed bursting
pressed to the roof of my mouth
this is love
It said

Love... Part 1

    I had a friend once take on this topic, and did a very good job. This is another version of the self same topic, but from a few years growth and a great deal of inner conversation. I often will  pre qualify what I write only for those who have a habit of not reading everything before they form an opinion. So, I say, this is MY OPINION if you do not agree.. that's okay you are entitled.

    Love...

So highly subjective and absolutely concrete. It's the perfect paradox. Love is love only when it has no opposite. How can that be? Of course it has opposites, but I say if it does then it is not love. It could be a child of Love, a splinter in the magnificent tree of Love. I've heard it said love does not conquer all. I was shocked to hear it, but not surprised. I have grown to understand love is not the feeling we have when we connect with another. Love is. That's it, it is.

    Love is this and that. It's the connection, not the feeling which overcomes. This connection has no opposite. It is everything,everywhere all the time. We can tell ourselves we are separate, but our idea doesn't make it happen. The room and space you perceive is actually filled to the brim. You walk through things. You breathe in things. This is love.

Hallway

My Soul says
perfection
I open a door
and see myself
holding 3's
covered in numerical circles
smelling of wet earth
I tag someone
he says he's not it
I take back my touch
and close the door

My Soul says
perfection
I open a door
and see multiple hands holding
books and children
people and love
I tag the earth
it says it's not it
I take back my touch
and close the door

My Soul says
perfection
I open a door
there's another door to open
I step into a hallway
and see my Soul there
It says hello
I tag It
It laughs and begins to count
I turn to run
so it can chase me
but not before I close the door

The End

It sucks
coming to the end of this bottle
it means you will flood my mind

I sip slowly from this glass
the sweetness haunts me
because it reminds me
of your touch

The end of this glass means
I have to hear the lyrics
with the music
I don't want to hear your voice anymore

I understand the turning page
you're taking back the blood
of our hearts agreement
we are no longer kin

Turning it up
my eardrums throb
and the last drops hit my tongue
you begin to part the cloudiness

These are the days
I wish I wasn't sensible
so I could flood you out
with clouds of smoke

The End

Subtract

Tied up
listening to the ocean
through the trees
chimes tinkle
watching dreams

they come like thorns
pressing and piercing
soft perceptions
between thoughts
and heart

pulling me along
you run away faster
to escape the shallow breath
behind you

Losing you twice
or a millions times
I don't care
you're right
it was nice

So
I subtract you
from the ocean
the tinkling chimes
and my breath
to enjoy thoughts

minus you

The Green

I captured it
in the colors of moss and cream
a city made for me
funky and classic
with the feeling like the taste of cake
made from scratch

I saw myself
in it's fog covered buildings
and it's winding ways
the order and the illogical
crammed with tight streets
and open minds

It called to me
and I went
interpreting it's meaning
so simplistically
like a silly girl would
It wanted to be my beloved
I didn't understand

Feeling my eyes opening
it leaves no doubt
of who it wants
like a lover
its holding out essence to me
in all the ways I can feel it
It asks me to receive

I've been so naive
like the green of a peach
not knowing it's ripeness
Thinking deep
thick
rich
love
is only found in arms and lips
The earth calls me home
it calls me to embrace it
I hear you and I'm coming

Screams

Too naive to hope
before you try
you'll create a safe space for me
because you knew
how this is going to hurt

you'll never know
how being with someone like you
will make me sad
so sad
that when they touch me
I'll leave my body for awhile

my being remembers
what you forgot to do
it remembers you didn't care
or maybe
you were so excited
you forgot I was there

I can't show you the scars
where you ripped me in halves
me from my body
me from my Self
me from love

I thought the sound of sex was loud
the pot boiling over whistling
but my screams
are always a reminder
I am here

Distraction

Before I could embrace myself fully
something like you showed up
I played with it
like a child with ants
feigning power

You showed yourself
and the glare of my own reflection
blinded me
so I hid

Now
I live life
pretending not to see you
while you walk through my thoughts

I'm trying to make the familiar
a stranger
Like taking my fingerprints
and putting them on another

You rule a kingdom in me
but you wish to remain a commoner
inside someone else

I stop myself
from being a distraction
until the day
I can occupy my space in you

until then
I'm like a child with ants
feigning power

Magic

Invocations in the morning
an arm wraps around waist
wisps of warm breath touch the neck
a spell being cast with words
good morning

All the calls of nature begin
water for purification into bowls
smells fill rooms
foul and sweet
here daily rites become my love

Seeing you tilt your head
this way and that
before a hand falls on your face
I agree with the mirror
your are the finest of them all

Clothes appear
transforming you before my eyes
I watch the ritual of adjustments
I find myself compelled
to copy the movements without the parts

A kiss seals the circle you step out of
and into the day spirits in communication
all through my time alone
I feel you through the smell of your pillow
taste you when I lick my lips

This is the beginning of memories
which possess me in ways
the future needs to be
magic in the mundane
to become my love

Stories

Leave no words unspoken
when the lines are read
they are important

let ideas grate inside the mind

why is there a difference
in who reads them
when lingering are feelings
left by words

the spaces between them
will lose you

try not to read
what is not there

perceive the meanings
but do not think
there is a truth

when both
understanding and wisdom hide
look inside the soul

let It begin
Once upon a time

Seeds

Take all the time you need
I hear these words
like an echo
bouncing from axis
into angle

Take all the time you need
divide
change
loosen all that keeps
you tied to the air

I am standing with you
cheering you on
beside you
watching you move

I don't have to mimic
everything you do
we all do

So
take all the time you need
double to
or nothing
your seeds will bring forth fruit

and when time is ripe
it's juice will run from my chin

In Your Presence

I love you
I'm in love with you
and I don't even know
what that means

When we talk
I feel stupid
but safe
to be that way

around you I feel ugly
yet it doesn't seem to matter
not to me anyway

I feel as if I'm weird
letting my feelings go to you
they seem weak and feeble

Even so
I think I'm in good company

For
if you are a mirror
of all I am
I must be an awesome person

Whenever
I'm in your presence
I love you
to learn to love me

I just wish
I knew what that means

Work of Art

I'm a work of art
so skillfully crafted
I almost seem real
don't I

My thoughts
picked from the best minds
mixed together
with the right amount of right and wrong
so full of ambiguity
expressed in breath or ink
they seem so deep
so real don't they

My feelings
hand-picked at the height of correctness
not too sweet
so people hate me
not too sour to offend
unfortunately they are artificially flavored
by the decisions and opinions of others

like a Noni Flower
I have been made using
the visions of real things
so beautiful
because I mimic what's real
almost to perfection

Like most things artificial
I am made of things
which have no true life of their own
so this being I am
is durable and hard to destroy
with anything natural

I am a work of art
but I wish to be real
I wish to let waters of love
seep deep into fragile roots
and bring me to life
to a real me
the real me with an eternity all it's own

http://noniflowers.com

Succumb

Bending over to wash my legs
the water flowed up my back like the Nile
creating rivulets through my hair
washing my face with streams
working my way around my thighs
my hands become yours
the visions and the feeling
close my eyes and bite my lip
dripping then flowing

Thinking of times spent in dreams
not claiming reality
the glass door slides open
invisible hands wrap around my waist
dripping then flowing

water crushed .
screaming and laughing
between bodies
I try to hold up a wall
that's not falling
through my fingers
dripping then flowing

I open my eyes
and succumb to the knowledge
I can see you
but dare not touch you
I crumble against the wall
and from my eyes tears
dripping then flowing