Due Process

Shutting down is selfish
watching yourself in your own mind
a psychosis to be sure
Locking yourself away
away from people and plants
thoughts and space
makes sense when you're
looking for the dark
when you're trying to reach a dark
so pitch you lose sense
in a sense this is wrong I guess

You can't close your eyes enough
in a day to make the rays of light
leave you alone (just leave me alone)
Yet I already feel alone
so which do I really want

I spin a cocoon of fat around my waist
so I can't be held close
I'm sick of fake touches
touches that steal
I no longer want that kiss
or to be ravished in some kind of love
which erases any sign of my being
love songs scream lies like death metal
words hidden so you have to leave
yourself to find the meaning

I want due process for my life
I want to begin again like an old man dying
I want to reenter the grave of the womb
and begin after beginning
I want to pull forbidden fruit from a tree
break it open
rip out its seed
and tend it till it's full grown
Then I will take the blame
and truely it will be my fault

Reflections of Rain

I never thought
hand me downs were bad
until my mind opened
and I realized I carry inside me
old thoughts
behaviors and feelings
so worn and outdated
they didn't fit anyone
not anyone who wanted to feel  deeply

I never knew
years behind rose colored glasses
would change the way I see
distorting the image of myself
where is my courage
where is my ability
where is the love
My mind was to help me create a life
not to be folded in half
doubled over
and ripped into so many pieces

What can I do
when years of faulty feelings
kept me locked in a dream
now Im awake
my home is dilapitaed
my cubbards are bare
and I have nothing to give myself

What should I do
I do not know this way
I'm blinded by pure light
after spending years in the dark

The only visions I have
are reflections
reflections in tears
in thoughts
and of rain
all of what I thought I knew
falls and dissappears in the rain

Reach

Into it

I'm going into it 

and I wish I could turn my thoughts

to what it is

I have come close to feeling it

only to have a door slammed in my face

a cosmic joke it seems

a seemingly funny one too

Nothing but dots

I stare at the dark sky

trying to connect the dots

but I keep making Adam

If you saw my eyes today

would they tell you another story 

of what I thought you thought I was

Could I ever re-know you

I'm looking at the roads ahead of me

and I'm about to reach a bend

I cannot untake no matter how far I drive 

I'm looking for a way forward

to knowing what love is and what it means to me

Believer

Could we worship at the knees
of the same kind of love
Can we look into each other
to see people not things
to see the space more than the matter

If we touched again
would it be painful
because there was so much
of something between us
it is still present

I read the runes in the clouds
they say
I would be we
but I have never been good at reading
something about the words
which get in the way

If you could make me anything
you can make know
what I do not know
You could make me a believer
of the things already inside me
You could help me see

Sweetness of Sweat

I lost myself in something
I don't think I can forget

If I could relese myself from it
I could meet you again

Wondering about nothing
I keep meeting you

I don't mean to
I just remember phatoms

Shadows follow me
you aren't in their midst

How did I lose you
Did I love you

Can you kiss me, again
So I can taste the reality

The sweetness of sweat drops from my fingers
Closed eyes don't bring you close enough

Bowed

I kissed your lips this morning
I touched the side of your face
closed my eyes
and reminded myself
of you

I touched your eyes
and prayed you see far
looking into things
bringing smiles and light
to your heart

I touched your lips with mine
and asked for your honesty
I asked for your thoughts
I asked for the things you
are too embarassed to share
they could never change the way I see you

I allow my hair to cover your head
I needed to remind myself
of your protection
I needed to speak my appreciation
I wanted you to know
what I always knew
you love

covering your body
I touched each place
with lips and eyes
I need them to become my friends
I need to know they could hear me
I need them to come forward in you

Holding your hand
I forget the pain of this life
I bowed myself before you
because you are worthy of my love
you are worthy of my praise
and you are every man I could ever want