Due Process

Shutting down is selfish
watching yourself in your own mind
a psychosis to be sure
Locking yourself away
away from people and plants
thoughts and space
makes sense when you're
looking for the dark
when you're trying to reach a dark
so pitch you lose sense
in a sense this is wrong I guess

You can't close your eyes enough
in a day to make the rays of light
leave you alone (just leave me alone)
Yet I already feel alone
so which do I really want

I spin a cocoon of fat around my waist
so I can't be held close
I'm sick of fake touches
touches that steal
I no longer want that kiss
or to be ravished in some kind of love
which erases any sign of my being
love songs scream lies like death metal
words hidden so you have to leave
yourself to find the meaning

I want due process for my life
I want to begin again like an old man dying
I want to reenter the grave of the womb
and begin after beginning
I want to pull forbidden fruit from a tree
break it open
rip out its seed
and tend it till it's full grown
Then I will take the blame
and truely it will be my fault