Little Time

I running on empty
and what I find
as I slow down is
there was nothing here
in the first place

Shaded windows
are not dark on the outside
they just have a phony finish
is that what I look like to you

Spending so much time
inside my mind
are you going to redecorate
because
by the telling of things
you know more
than I

Who are you
anyway
silly mortals
they lack the fortitude
to deal with my heart
Unfathomable
Is what I told you

I once said
I have kissed enough frogs
to last a lifetime
Now they have all turned to princes
timing IS everything

I just missed that last one
now what
wait
Nah, what I will do now
is walk down the street
and hail my next life time
There's little time in this one

(c) kalonia jennings 12

Searchin' (prod. The Caligraphist) Instrumental

Searchin' (prod. The Caligraphist) Instrumental

Satisfied

There have been times in my life

where I have burned in lust

hungered in love

and ached in the agony of desire

Passion seemed more a 

a plate of food always disappearing

right before it's consumed

But what can I say now

What can I say

when I have begun a walk

though a door
which I never knew was there

In love

I have made the cut

I am one of them

I done the robe of one ready

to be given the secrets

the secrets to life and love

the secrets to the beating heart

and the womb

I have become a neophyte

to this love

In the darkness

along these corridors of the mind 

you and I 

and all of creation share

I am searching walls

taking notes

and enjoying the warmth

in my heart

I find in loving this way

As anyone new to something

old habits die hard

I long to touch you

then i remember 

to close my eyes

and i feel you 

in the depths on me

that's more than any touch can give

I am learning 

satisfaction

I am learning how to love

I am learning how to make love

no

really

I am learning how to make love

and make it in abundance

And maybe after
sometime has passed
I will be able to come back
and show others what love is all about

Until then
I will sit this table
Satisfied
That I no longer have to wait
I can enjoy my love
Right now
If I can take it

(c) kalonia jennings 12

Close to You

I hold a knotted string
trying to gnaw my way through
I will untangle
the sadness
the anger
and the fear

In the waking hours
I see us holding hands
and laughing in that
movie kind of way
Shame it can't all be scripted

I call you darling
you kiss me
softly
Yet
there is no fire
there is no burning
from you

I simply love you

I have spent hours
upon hours with you
I want you to relax
if only to get more
of you inside

Opening this box inside of me
you have quickly become
my favorite treat
loving you
my favorite part of life

Flexing these new muscles
I'm building on the inside
if I look beautiful to you
it's because
you have helped me
set me free

If you have any fears
don't worry
If you have any doubts
of how I have so easily
let you relax back into life
It's cause you love me
and I feel it

Right now
I want to be close to you
I want to
spread the light in your body
with my kiss

Right now
through these words
I take these untangled feelings
and I smile
I close my eyes
to sleep
So I can be close to you


(c) kalonia jennings 12

Illusive

Run as fast as you can
falling in love
may not be the only thing you do

Easily
I break down these thoughts
Not so easy
To brake down the walls

Fist of fury
I fight
first you
then myself
Trying to conquer
these feelings

Ease of mind
Softness of heart
I must penetrate me
In order to create

Visions of love's
grandeur
I scale these mountains
like a pro
Vast vistas
CinemaScope

Touching the sky
Standing on clouds
Walking on water
Unwet by rain

This place inside me
is illusive
I only have to
believe
he's real

(c) kalonia jennings 12

Everyone Else and Me

I used to envy those
who seemed to be self-realized
who seemed to have the
innate ability to
make life show up
for them

I used to envy those
who seemed to
lift themselves
up from blueprints
build themselves
and cut the ribbon
after the opening
I have always wanted to know
What would it feel like
to BE a grand opening

I thought
If somehow I could be
THAT
if I could just finish
this one thing
If only I could
rise to the occasion
in my own mind
I would be
more than this

Now I see
I wasn't meant to play that role
I can only get as close to
the rabbit whole
as the gate of my mind
will let me
I can't take knowing
that I may not ever
see a finish line
right at the start

everyone else
seems to have the ability
to show up
Like they are the party
I am like the one
sitting at home
twirling the invitation
It was a bring your own life
anyways
Last minute BE-ing
was never my thing

Who am I
to think I can change
I'm right you know
Who am I
but this woman
who thinks too much
and does too little
Who am I to think
I can demolish the destructive
cycles
I'm just a girl

Let's pretend for awhile
that I could
actually live the life
I want to
In my heart
I would still know
It's everyone else
and me

(c) kalonia jennings 12

The Only Company

Silly me
foolish you
we were thinking
and it became too much
I became neurotic
and you
an exaggerated freak
of your former self
What happened to
us

Listen
I never meant to
make you think
that I am as stupid
as I am vulnerable
and I wished
you didn't dance like that
side-stepping truth
now let's promenade

I pretended to be
and you pretended to notice
it was a pretty good game
until I called your bluff
Vacant eyes
see more than you
could ever know

Sit down
and stop pacing the floor
it will only deepen the thoughts
I have spent many years with you
you who love to make me
look as silly as
you are a fool
Now I will relax
in this silly foolishness
its seems to be
the only company
I can keep these days

(c) kalonia jennings 12

Just a Touch

Today is a black day

not because it's bad

or evil

but because today
I feel "without"

I feel it 

in my sinews

and in my toes

It's like a shovel

has scooped out 

any feeling of connection 

Is this what happens 

when you get too close

to the divine in your heart

you get poured out 

and turned upside down 

to dry

Today 

I feel like

there is rubble

inside me

solid masses

of scar tissue and words

scratching to get out

Aliens

Is this what a thief feels like

after the last of the money is spent

Is this what a murderer feels like

when remorse hits

I hope not

Cause not even they 

should be cursed to feel this way

I look up to the heaven

behind my closed eyes

and I weep for the ignorance 

foaming up inside me

I sob for the fear

lurking in the corner

and the lack of follow through

leaning over the fence 

about to fall

I will not warn it this time

Right now

my hands are lights

lights pulsing

bright then dim

reaching out

around the debris

and the holes of

my heart and soul

They 

for they are legion

are reaching out

for just a touch

of oneness

an idea

gathered in the faith 

of love's possibility

and the assurance

that one day

it will fill me

(c) kalonia jennings 12

Three

Tomorrow I will

because I must follow this through

even with the explosions in my chest

Who can hide from this

thing that comes around 

like hula-hoops on waists

shoop-shoop

Here is my mind

what use is it

when I am standing

on water

please don't misunderstand

I thought I knew nothing

now I am sure of it

I am sure 

you

and that's all I am sure of

there's a you

enigma 

to the fourth power

I twiddle the thumbs

of my own life

anticipate things

that don't matter

and forget to tie my shoes

What can I do but surrender 

I can allow tears to fall

then trace the lines

of the smile in my own eyes

(c) kalonia jennings 12

In the Morning

Twenty feet away

and I am 

holding onto myself 

for want of 

being held

There is a void somewhere

inside of me

uncomfortable

but okay

I wait for the morning

Reaching 

unsure for what

the light is vapor

on this side

But I know

Pieces of me 

hang around

I am so afraid

of the kind of storage

Through to the end

I stand

Touching space

knowing it holds everything

even you

I do not wish 

to be filled 

I only wish to remain

a part of the movement

toward light

when the morning comes

(c) kalonia jennings 12

Tricky

This thing I have for you
Not too many understand
My devotion to loving you
Is unparalleled
Like a child to its parent
I can't help but
wanting to be held in you

This thing I have for you
Is dense and deep
I can sink myself in another
and get straight to you
I am loving you
when I love the one
I am with

This thing I have for you
It's what beats my heart
I bleed and breathe
my love for you
My body cries out
for your touch
My whole being
calls out only for you

This thing I have for you
in me
I find makes the sweetest kiss
bitter
next to a thought of you
all other thoughts turn to ash
Didn't I say I was devoted
I am
I am in love with you

If I could not walk
my days with you
I would be a traveler
with no where to go
without you
there could be no home
You make comfort
possible

I would open all of me for you
even in my fear
I would stand and face a million arrows
they only lead me back to you
You are my most beloved
and I want to be lost in you

Yet here I am
lost in doubt
cringing in fear
hiding in shame
clothed in guilt
glutted off my mind
lustful with my heart
unable to forgive
myself

But you are still here
loving me through moon light
and laying yourself under my feet
through the falling leaves
The sound of water dripping
is a reminder of all you are
I lift my heart
mind
and soul
to only you

Tricky
it is to have a love
that is both your creator
and your lover
it's tricky
to have my spirit
enclosed in flesh
in order to know
the unknowable
and to meet the only one
that never leaves me

Yet here I am
making supplications
to the very being of my existence
You will always be my first love
Because you first loved me
take these feeble words
as an offering of my devotion
Until I meet you again through his eyes

(c) kalonia jennings 12

Wings

When you came

You knew what you were going to do

You knew what you were going to be

I had no idea

I had no idea the test would come so soon

Dreams have a funny way of showing up

when you least expect them

and you can't recognize them

Good thing 

I have something

on the inside 

that makes it impossible to miss

those people that I need to meet

Take your time in my life

I want you for a long time

I want to have you 

in all the ways 

this life will allow

I can't pretend

you don't cause 

the old things inside me

to suffocate

What do you want

What do you want from my heart

I wish I could spend time's time

with you

that's how special you are

I wish I had seconds

that stretched into miles

I just wouldn't know what to say

I wouldn't know how to spend 

so much time with you

I am an artist

and I created a blueprint of myself

You are the masterpiece

chiseled from my pain and my faith

Excuse me 

beloved

excuse me while I 

curl up in my heart

and let you spin the picture 

Excuse me while 

my spirit talks to yours

and my words become

nonsense and folly

This is me 

opened out

All of my sadness

hangs around 

it's curious about you

and why it wants hug you

all the happiness in me

dances for you

If I had the time

and no need for words

I would spend that time

writing

and watching you

build your life

If I could 

I would take the love I have inside

mold it into wings

and place them on you

And watch you 

as you use my love to leave the ground

(c) kalonia jennings 12

Journey

Take your hands
place them
here on my inner thighs
and push outward
until all of me
is naked and not ashamed

Place the tip of your tongue
right there
and lick the spot
you just left throbbing
touch it softly
and it will do tricks
Do not be surprised
at the wet
My moans have become incense
in the ears of Elohim
and they have sent a deluge
for my rain dance
The Mother is pleased

Enter me
while looking me in the eyes
Do not forget this face
Do not forget the way
my head tilted back
causing my eyes to become slivers
Keep your eyes fixed
and watch
the way I look when we opened the gate
the burning sword
has moved aside
The angels beckon us to enter
They are standing in the windows
of my eyes
Don't turn away

Kiss me deeply
the wetness on your chin
the smell on your lips
the touch of your hands
as you hold my face
intoxicating
You are the thrown
I sit proudly upon
The serpents rise to cover our heads
I cannot pull you closer to my body
I can't get you deeper inside

My arms wrapped around your shoulders
I am your mantle
My legs around your waste
I am your covering
chest to chest
face to face
I rock
I rock to release us
Kissing you deeper
Breathing slowly
We walk in

From here my beloved
I can not tell the way
but your hand feels precious
on the small of my back
Hmm
What did you say my love
Ah yes
the fruit on that tree
does look delicious
Pick one for us
so that we may filled
and begin this journey
eternal

(c) kalonia jennings 12

Captivate Me

Captivate me
and lead me through places
I want to go
but never thought possible
catch me up in visuals
of past lives
and the infinitude of stars
then slam me down
back into this world
with your hugs and kisses

You and I
are on a visions quest
I always thought I had to do this alone
but here you are every step of the way
My three eyes peeking
at the horizon
Never have I seen anything more beautiful then your face
To look directly into both
for long periods of time
would mean death
death of the idea that
God does not grant wishes

Captivate me
you being
who so easily
walks into my life
and walks out
but never leaves
I love the slimy trails
you leave all over my soul
It is the golden thread
that leads me back
to my own heart
to slay the demigod set against
my love remaining free

I am captivated by you
I make time in my day
to find you in my dreams
and then I try to find you when I awake
You are amazing
the way you have captivated me
Such the beloved
Kiss me quick
while my mind is closed
So I can feel you
in the spirit of my soul

(c) kalonia jennings 12