Enable Me... Oh My Lord...

Enable me

Oh my Lord..

To be those things I long to be

To do those things I long to do

To say those things I long to say..

Because I realize those longings are You

Releasing your power

and presence through me.

Today, I reflect on being En Abled (I'll have to ask my Latin major for the etymology). But that's is what I ask on this palm Sunday. I asked to be enabled to hear, to see, to think, to act, in the ways of Spirit. Not to "try" and be, not to "go" and get, not to ask to "receive" it... because it has always been within. I ask that "i" am moved out of it's way. So, that everyday fresh, filling, clean manna it released from me to the creation so loving made. I ask to be enabled, because it is the only prayer that makes sense to me. My needs are known, and answered before they are formed in my brain and coalesce into a thought. My need is only my need because it has already been filled to spilling over and I must let it go in order to receive it. Like a seed must die to enable the tree to grow. I must allow the seed of "i" to die. So the magnificent Spirit of all life can have it's way within me and outside of me. ...To grow me, fruit and flower me.. so make me .. and this life I have been given.. the value that it has within it with which it was given.... that precious and full life that is Spirit itself. Living and breathing "me".

I asked to be enabled to have the eyes to see my Lord all around me, especially in his children.. and completely in his children I feel are separate from me. So, that I am forever mindful of the One. And the goodness of that One that pours forth with the power of creation. that heals all, calls all, is all. and that power is Love. not the flimsy thing we call the bonds we attempt to make out of our fears of not being enough, having enough... but the real Love that has NO OPPOSITE.. the love that makes the bonds between atoms and the bond that urges connection between lovers, friends and families. I call on that Love within me.. to open me.. release me from blindness... to catapult me into the full understanding of Being. Not self-important knowledge that can be told with incomplete ideas... but with groaning of my heart that even 'i" cannot understand.. but You are the perfect translator of my intent.. and will make sure all who need to hear.. hear and all who need to see.. see.

I have the energy today to complete the tasks you have blessed me with.. I ask to be enabled to keep it. keep it high.. not to become "productive" for my own sake.. but to be the finished vessel for your energy to work in the lives of others. I am asking to be enabled to unleash my beauty, joy, and love into your creation.. So like the lilies of the valley.... "i" will be living my purpose in You. To be arrayed in the fullness of the spirit You created for me.. To walk, breathe, see from those eyes in the fullness of it's glory. to on longer be a child in spirit and woman in flesh.. but to become a child of the flesh and the graceful, elegant adult of Your Spirit given life as "me". Until the day that "i" can walk in the fullness of Oneness, not recognizing anything other than You.. not even a "me". And in that moment "i" will know that the Spirit is One... Until that day...

I asked to be enabled

Oh my Lord..

to be, live, and love

what you created me be....

Next to Me

I called him

and asked the question

" Who should stand beside me?"

His authority in my life is

he is me

He is the me that

I have not allowed out

When I asked

He was silent

And he allowed me to wallow in it

Cause he knows why I ask

He is me

I sit in silence

and wait

for an answer

a sign

and spit ball

anything that will

tell me

what I need to know

I know he will answer

because he is me

He is the breath of me

the life of me

and he never leaves me nor...

"what was that?

"...."

"oh!"

"Well I guess that explains it all"

I called him and asked

"Who is to stand beside me?"

and the answer I received was

nearer my breath than breathing

It was hanging over my head

waiting to anoint me

The answer was right there next to me..

And I still don't have the heart to see it.

the first of many...

 Of course when you start anything worthwhile the guts twists and the mind speaks.. " and who in the hell do you think you are to..." Yet here I am taking another long walk into the dark night..

Here is a topic that seems to be hitting my mind almost constantly..it's to the point that it is touching my spirit when I look around me and see so many other communites cooperating, moving ahead yet there is one that seems to be standing still to the point where it seems to be moving backwards..

What is the state of black America?

 My thoughts keep going to "lost" and I don't yet know how to develop the thought beyond that... lost in a kind of void that I feel so sad to think we will not come out of

 My fear 

 My fear is that there seems to be a comfort in being lost. A comfort no one really wants to relieve themselves of. A lost  so profound that it stops one from trying to find the on-ramp home. So busy with the sights in and around "lost" there is no concern getting passed surviving. Like being stuck at 17 or that strange time between 18 and 21... the numbers aren't really the issue so much as the mind state. (Comfortable being cared for but chaffing under authority). My fear is "lost" will become "found" like "bad" became "good".

My hope

My hope is that a click happens within this community that will wake it up from it's 40 year slumber and get out of this rebellious teenager-esk existence. This is a people that has forgotten the gift in turning within. and for all the religious posing as forgotten how to hear the small voice within.. ( and I mean this as a group and individually). There seems to be this belief that someone is going to someday come and fix all of our problems.. Some leader, or some part of government, and there never is a thought given to the individual turning within.It feels like there is this thought that there is a savior that is going to save us from ourselves. And the only way saviors have worked is by showing self first. I fear, if one such person did come along the words would be beaten out of them like a child for even mentioning the thought "Everything starts with YOU." ...Lost

My greatest fear...

A people will be the cause of their own extinction, simply because there was a refusal to go within, because survival became the way of being.. and making it into the void between levels could never be touched let alone surpassed...

My greatest hope..

A people (as the current bane of most of the world) take their place as ...as...

Well I don't even know yet, I have been trying o search it out in my own heart, but I know when.. I said WHEN it happens it will be like the planets aligning. As an off-shut of "primitive" people, there is an opportunity here for helping the whole world heal. Again, how? The only thing I can say is by opening all the shut doors within self, but there is more to it than that. It is something, for which, I don't have the words just feeling deep feeling.

What does all this mean? It means, I had a thought and that thought has not in the least been given the light that I would like it to because I am afraid.. afraid that I am being bold enough to even think I could have a thought.. afraid that I don't/ can't explain myself well enoguh for it to matter..afraid that everything I have to say WILL matter and it dies inside me.. afraid of what you may think and what you may say.. So, the "fraids" are in the way. And the message is getting lost as I type. But rest assured this will not be the last, and this will probably be the worst. But as I fully know.. and baby falls many times before it runs.. 

Take this as my first day of standing on my own..and encourage me forward. Because I promise, when I get to running you will be so very proud and so very touched..

This is the first of many...