A Poem

There was a poem here

it was full of words 

that would've spoke
straight to your heart

but I deleted them

you don't need to know 

I still think about you

Right here is where 

there would've been something 

about what it felt like

to touch you

listen to you

This is the place where

I would've told you how it felt 

to be with someone like you

the miracles and the magic

the butterflies and the anticipation

but I deleted them

Here's where I told
the concocted version of you

because the only you I knew
was the you in my head

birthed by what you didn't say

and the master-ship of my imagination

And the conclusion was

something like a reminder

that when it feels like family -- run

and when you can never know the truth

so chapters close

a poem can be a fitting beginning to the end

 

Brotha

I'll never call you daddy
you could never be second best
a divine mind
love of a lifetime
my love given to no one less

you're driving through my veins
pure quality
mainlined everything about you
through time
waited until timelines
crossed like times
I'm gonna give my best

Closer than a brotha
like my own kin
whole-soul'd
this kinda of love
can only begin within

Closer than a friend
my witness
two as one
when you're blessed by the son
this kinda of love
can only begin within

Weakness
your love hits me
bending me
upward
supple our kisses
potent
enough to set this world on fire

Closer than a brotha
like my own kin
whole-soul'd
this kinda love
can only begin within
I feel safe within our love

I could sing about the stars
as your cradle
the moon a spotlight just for you
but our love makes it impossible
to think of us as two

Infinite
our love has been through time
that's why I remember you
we come back to this place to remember
no matter, whatever, we are never through
Cause you are

Closer than a brotha
like my own kin
whole-soul'd
this kinda love
can only begin within

Take Back

He was my muse
I know I said he was
I guess that's why I can't trust myself anymore
Since I lied
I immortalized an ego in black and white
Gave it verse
Made it real
Shame on me
I'm the reason the tree of good and evil
Will never be felled
I accepted the suggestion of the humbly-conceited
Bit from my own wish to know
What it's like to love illusion
so I loved him
I said he was my muse
And it's a shame
how I wish to rip up the air
To take back those words

Newborn

My skin feels like

all the nerves are poking out 

grated and sprinkled with salt

I thought after awhile

I could keep hiding 

I could keep looking under rocks
thinking I would be there

There is nothing in between 

me and I and you and 

I will not assume I know anymore

I will not assume I know

I will watch bodies turn to ghosts

in the revelation that I do not know

and I no longer wish to pretend I do

I'm leaving control to those better at the reigns

power and kindness are not mutually exclusive

and my nerves feel like thorns
pressed against newborn flesh
and my eyes close to see my savior

Passive

Spent a lot of time
under a gaze
Spent time using swords
for nothing
I don't want to waste
anymore time
being someone I'm not
Didn't know so long ago
I walked into a crowd
that wasn't mine
Shifted my core
just so I could be seen
Now I wad up this person
And throw it into the depth of me
and allow a greater mind
To make prototype
real
No longer to be passive
in my own life

King and I

He stood in his height
and no matter how he turned his face
I could not find a flaw
I served his beauty
bowed to the majesty
made love to him
like queen and concubine
but he was invested in playing the fool

Jester to his own weakness
clown to his own fears
I bowed to him
he bowed to nothing
but the vacancy of feelings in himself

His silliness made me the joke
on everyone's lips
his blindness meant
he couldn't see his own majesty
so he played the slave
but no matter how he turned his face
I would not see a flaw

I could not see anything
until it all fell down
the juggling of his foolish folly and lies
hit the ground crying
so invested in playing the jester
he would not take his throne
so I bowed to the King and I
walked away