The Game

I take one step toward you
and you freeze
but I haven't touched you
not how I really want to
not yet at least

Olly olly
oxen free
that's how I wish to keep you
but you seem to want to
entangle yourself
in the rules of a game
that we both said
do not exist

Love, May I
set you
and myself free
cause we should be laughing
and dancing
and hmm
doing that thing that
makes smiles creep to faces
when we're playing hard

Hide and
come get it
cause I said it
I mean it
I am for you
at least while
you wanna hold it
and touch it
and close your eyes
cause you've already seen it

Spin the bottle
and watch it land on me everytime
cause right now
you know
I see you in a way that
many won't
most can't
and some
will only try

So, I'm going to
make a "T" with my heart
and ask my mind
to take a time out
if you ask
that part of you
that thinks it knows
to stop taking cutting
the line

Then we can trade this game in
for something that looks like
what we know it can
and will be
when we both let our children lead

______ and ____ sitting in a tree
k-i-s-s-i-n-g... first comes love
and nothing else needs to follow
but trusting minds
open hearts
and the courage to be
It

Wide Awake Dreaming

Just because you have convinced yourself
that your heart is broken
it isn't
It can never be
the heart is spirit
and spirit cannot be broken
You can blind it for a lifetime
but you can never take away it's sight

Just because someone says they don't love you
doesn't mean that love has failed you
Love can not fail
Love is the power keeping cells
in their purpose
Cancer is cells doing their own thing
The pain of love
is the mind doing its own thing
Love is of the heart

Just because I write these words
doesn't make a romantic
an emotional female
longing for the fantasy of
a chemical reaction of the brain
I am that chemical reaction
I was birthed through emotion
and romance is what changes
winter into spring
I am a child of the only thing that matters
and I will play content in the room made for me

Just because dreaming seem to happen while you sleep
do not think that being wide awake is not a dream
Dreams make the impossible possible
it takes the power inside
rubs all the variations into juice
squeezes out all the potential
by the cup
then adds only a teaspoon to your waking life

When you look out into the beauty of the day
and they
the they that have your heart and mind
the ones whom you want, love, and need
settle around you
Sip the hot liquid of being wide awake dreaming
smile and let the wings of the bird
outside your window carry it to them on its wings

Wishes

If wishes were real

I would be able to 

look at the sky

and be blinded by light

If wishes were real 

I would be able to 

take my hand

press it to my chest

and feel the drums of Africa

If wishes were real 

I could look myself in the eyes

tell me a truth

that would make me cry

and set me free

If wishes were real

so would be 

my love

I keep thinking 

Silly as it is 

that love is like

a blanket

I can cover myself in

when I am afraid

I keep hoping love is

the Mother

that strokes my hair

and the Father 

that lifts me up high 

til I squeal

I keep wishing

love turns into 

spirit

spirit into flesh

flesh into man

and man into 

my life

If wishes were real

I would hear him calling me

from a far

I would feel his thoughts of me

I would always be in his presence

If wishes were real

You are

I am 

We be

and that would be all the wishes

made on falling stars

Something, Sometimes, Some Place...

Something is happening.

  Doesn't that always sound more threatening than promising? But, I do know something is happening. It's all around ( another cliche` that fits). I know I am not the only one who feels it. I know I'm not the only one looking into its eyes. They say it's the collective awareness changing. I believe that. They also say it's the end of the world as we know it. I believe that, too. I have other beliefs to go with these, but like these, they don't matter. They don't count towards anything until they are put to use. The soul has to make itself known through us, as us, in order for the something to be known. I know my soul has been turned on, simply by the "new" thoughts I am having. The "new" ideas forming from somewhere deep in me, making me live a little more courageously than before. If this is the end of the world, I welcome it. If this is just the end of a world mind set, I welcome that, too. I also wish to usher it in as a baby coming from the womb. Many this baby be healthy.

Sometimes love is.

  Most times it isn't. Love isn't what we think it should be and that's as it should be. Love isn't supposed to have a formula, so why do we waste so much time trying to find one? The answer is out there, but do we need it?  We spend so much time trying to find a way to safely be with another person. When we have to understand, until we have healed, we are never with that other person. When we love from that unhealed place in ourselves, we are loving our shadow. Once we are healed, which means we are able to give freely what we need,  we will begin to see the other person. When we are unhealed, we give what we want, hoping this will trigger in the other person the ability to give back what we are giving. It never works out that way, most people do not need what we do. So, you see, love is not the issue the issue is our  trying to control love instead of letting it control us. It is our soul pushing us when we feel compelled to give that one thing we fear to give. This is the pre-test of love. Will you pass... Will I...

Some place we are free.

  We really are free. We are free as long as we spend more time outside of duality than we do in it. We are free, when feeling good and being happy is not a place to be worshiped and pain becomes a place of peace. Isn't that what we have been taught for eons? Get out of duality. Find the balance by ignoring the ends. Hot freezes and up hits rock bottom. See it, Learn it and Live it.  Be the thing you most want. This is real freedom and soon we will not want freedom, because we will understand freedom is not a place to be. Freedom is our state of being, when we are not choosing a state of being above another. Freedom is our being.

Look Up?

It's bleak inside

I'm not sure 

if I am to blame

or if life has dragged

the us down

Have I told you 

about the lead ballons

Even as they weigh down my hands

my heart soars

even as the tears

collect and settle at the edges of my eyes

I still feel alright

I pitty the fool

in me

I over extend my hands

to make sure they are open

to release 

as well as recieve

I let go

and pray to have the strength 

to walk away

I dare not look back

I fear turning into salt

Silence for right now

is my comfort and my kin

uncertainty is deft at 

cutting the fat feelings

from the lean meat 

of reality

which I shall marinate in a sweet red

A bloody hell seems

to be my purgatory

filled til I'm gurgling and choking in it

What can I say of you

outside of the fact

you are captive of your own heart

and you threw the keys 

to those who don't care

Why look up to heaven

If it is somewhere inside me

I need I directions

because I need.. 

It's that simple

I need 

and only heaven can provide the balm. 

   Sometimes, we treat the ones that are there like the ones that wouldn't be...

My Love, My Life and Music

I told you. I told you so many times my words no longer work. They leak my purpose and bleed my feelings. But, what else do I have? How can I begin to show you these feelings, without words? I could bind them up in something made of my hands. I could find that thing you most want and sacrifice all I have to get it for you. To what end? Will that make you love me? Do you even like me?

 I have spent some time thinking about these words. Like how the right words at the right time seem to float to me on a melody. I can sing it a million times and it never gets old, but does it apply to you? I want to reach out and touch you. Maybe that is the right way to tell you. Can I transform the guarded looks, and the distant temperament into looks of admiration and tenderness. I have and so what? they still do not speak to you.

What about dinner? Could I take your jacket and hang it along side mine? or maybe I could let my hand touch yours as we pick up the same bowl from the floor. What if I had made your bed? Would you know then? Could you tell? My life is made in music. I am singing to you. Have you heard me yet? Or do you block out my voice every chance you get. Are you really as open I think you are?

 I know what I can do. I can take these words and lay them face up on the table. I could go all in and never look back. If I lost it all who cares. At least I played the hand. At least, I had the courage to lift the toilet seat when I was done and take the early morning hours to watch you breathing while you sleep. I want to be safer than a cradle and more sensual than silk on bare, smooth skin. I want to get lost in you, but do you even want me at all?

Searching

I hold you
in my mind
images so real
been holding in my love
so long
I'm ready to find you, love
I'm ready to give you all
that you deserve

I feel my heart is ready
to open wide
to give up all
inhibitions
wanting a lover for life
emptying all the baggage
ready to take the trip with you
you got me
searching

Been on a quest
to feel those deeper things
a love
who knows what I have to give
what's inside
if you're looking for me
i'll find you
there are angels guiding us


To find the
love of a lifetime
you have to keep your heart open
wide
there's too many
who will never
see your sun

To find that one
hearts must yield
even when broken
I want you
in my life
so i'll keep
searching


there's nothing like
finding the love of your life
the one that makes it right
trying to find you
there so many ways
I can show you
what love can do
when I find you, love
there's nothing
my love won't do


all I know
is we got to
keep our hearts open
wide
to make this thing real
we have to keep the faith
and keep looking for the innocence
inside
I'll spend this whole life
by your side
and in the next
for you I will be
searching