the first of many...

 Of course when you start anything worthwhile the guts twists and the mind speaks.. " and who in the hell do you think you are to..." Yet here I am taking another long walk into the dark night..

Here is a topic that seems to be hitting my mind almost constantly..it's to the point that it is touching my spirit when I look around me and see so many other communites cooperating, moving ahead yet there is one that seems to be standing still to the point where it seems to be moving backwards..

What is the state of black America?

 My thoughts keep going to "lost" and I don't yet know how to develop the thought beyond that... lost in a kind of void that I feel so sad to think we will not come out of

 My fear 

 My fear is that there seems to be a comfort in being lost. A comfort no one really wants to relieve themselves of. A lost  so profound that it stops one from trying to find the on-ramp home. So busy with the sights in and around "lost" there is no concern getting passed surviving. Like being stuck at 17 or that strange time between 18 and 21... the numbers aren't really the issue so much as the mind state. (Comfortable being cared for but chaffing under authority). My fear is "lost" will become "found" like "bad" became "good".

My hope

My hope is that a click happens within this community that will wake it up from it's 40 year slumber and get out of this rebellious teenager-esk existence. This is a people that has forgotten the gift in turning within. and for all the religious posing as forgotten how to hear the small voice within.. ( and I mean this as a group and individually). There seems to be this belief that someone is going to someday come and fix all of our problems.. Some leader, or some part of government, and there never is a thought given to the individual turning within.It feels like there is this thought that there is a savior that is going to save us from ourselves. And the only way saviors have worked is by showing self first. I fear, if one such person did come along the words would be beaten out of them like a child for even mentioning the thought "Everything starts with YOU." ...Lost

My greatest fear...

A people will be the cause of their own extinction, simply because there was a refusal to go within, because survival became the way of being.. and making it into the void between levels could never be touched let alone surpassed...

My greatest hope..

A people (as the current bane of most of the world) take their place as ...as...

Well I don't even know yet, I have been trying o search it out in my own heart, but I know when.. I said WHEN it happens it will be like the planets aligning. As an off-shut of "primitive" people, there is an opportunity here for helping the whole world heal. Again, how? The only thing I can say is by opening all the shut doors within self, but there is more to it than that. It is something, for which, I don't have the words just feeling deep feeling.

What does all this mean? It means, I had a thought and that thought has not in the least been given the light that I would like it to because I am afraid.. afraid that I am being bold enough to even think I could have a thought.. afraid that I don't/ can't explain myself well enoguh for it to matter..afraid that everything I have to say WILL matter and it dies inside me.. afraid of what you may think and what you may say.. So, the "fraids" are in the way. And the message is getting lost as I type. But rest assured this will not be the last, and this will probably be the worst. But as I fully know.. and baby falls many times before it runs.. 

Take this as my first day of standing on my own..and encourage me forward. Because I promise, when I get to running you will be so very proud and so very touched..

This is the first of many...