Once

He protected me once

I know it my not look like it now

With my heart amputated from my cheat 

and sold for pictures of ass shaking woman I will never be

And when that wasn't enough

When more was asked for

my heart was thrown back into my face

with "so what"

It's hard to believe he stood guardian of my heart

If I were any person than me

He would still be here

And I have tried so hard just to get where I was

all to have it snatched back from me

He said he would change my life

Once I was swallowed whole

and held

and wanted

and ....

once

Now, I'm just another one

that has joined the ranks

of stupid 

and available

This itch in my chest has progressed into a thud

like the sound of ripe watermelon

Ripe and ready to consume

I guess that's why he waited so long

So my heart would be ready to consume in his meanness

This would make much more sense

If somehow I'd...

He'd

We'd

But once you turned some roads

your direction is lost forever

and together we turned down separate roads

It's funny 

I'd given myself to empty words

and marionette promises

now the strings are being cut

Am I a real woman now?

Once I had a sentinel of my heart

Who turned into a thief

when he saw he could cash in on my faithfulness to my word

til the wheels fall off

I guess it wouldn't really matter

If you get pushed out of the car

Once I was a woman in progress

With a man supporting the structure

Now I realize 

the only thing supported was him...

I would give anything to go back 

well no, 

I would give anything if peace

would perched at my door

And maybe come in and stay awhile

I would love love with no opposite lying in my bed at night

I would love to stand at the buffet

and get my own plate

Instead of a dish full of scraped plates

I would love to eat a whole sandwich

instead of a sample

I would love to be honored as I am

just once...

just once.

(c) kalonia jennings 11