Wanted

Im holding onto this
It feels like
Pressure in my chest
Heart thumping in my ears
Stomach filled with butterflies

Im pretending
I know I am
I don't want to
But I need to
The horses are a thunderstorm inside me
And im lost while they circle me

Aches are not just for teeth
They have hit me
In this place
And I want to hide
Because my feet are stuck in this
I can't run
But these inner tears
Are creating a soggy mind
And words are surfacing
I did not expect
Words I can't bear to hear
And dare not speak

All I wanted was
The distance between my heart
And my life shortened
for love to travel through
All I wanted was eyes soft
Arms welcome
And a spirit open for the remarkable