From the Bottom

Like a hard boiled egg
Dropped countless times
on counters edge
I am cracked all over
my hard shell
now soft to peeling
You don't care
because it's the warmth
you long to consume
And when the warmth is gone
so are you
Well that's until the ground shifts
and opens up under you
Then comes the familiar
lean and I open my arms to you
so you never hit the ground

I never thought looking up
could be so painful
no matter if I am looking up
from that place on the floor
where I fall every time
you are done with my love
so used to my tears
it's less dingy
or if its from looking up into your eyes
while you are inside me
calling out someone else's name
maybe you're calling her name
because you think I'm beautiful, too

Bitterness is building in my heart
every time I look up
Because I should be there already
I should be laying down with you in love
Instead of being the one you lay on
when this world wears on you
I should be the gold in the bottom
of your heart
not the woman as the bottom of your life
But why give yourself to hands
always closed to receive
Why give anything when you know
These arms
my arms
are open
and with your back turned to me
you can fall

Do you trust me that much
Or is it I am faithful
faithful like a chair
you sit your ass on
when you are tired
faithful like the ground you walk upon
is it me that keeps you from rising
or is it you that keeps me from rising
can the ground ever play another role
Why keep falling back into my open arms
when you run from me
like a healed
wild animal
ready to return to its natural habitat

Today you are knocking at my door
Again
After the world has made you it's fool
Now
You are back to make a fool of me
this is not what I had in mind
when I said I wanted to share my life with you
Today the door is going to close
but with you on the other side
standing there with that stupid look on your face

Yes
I'm for real
No
you are not to blame
Yes
I am done with you
No
we can't talk about it

These arms are folded
because they are now holding
the one who really matters
From now on I will be loving myself
from being the bottom
until I'm on top
Test them if you want to
Turn from me
and fall if you like
but you will be looking up from the bottom
while I walk over you
and across the threshold of my new life

(c) kalonia jennings 11