Permission

I must have

I must have asked to be here

because they act as if I did

it seems from the moment

my fusion and division took place

I have been asking to be

I asked the womb to let me go

it took it's time in expanding to set me free

all the while forcefully pressing to get me out

all I needed was space to present myself

all I needed was to feel safe
they said I needed things determined to keep me alive

over what I actually expressed I needed

From the moment 

it was determined I was a girl

My role in this world

was woven into the fabric I never asked to wear

all I needed was cloth to keep me warm

they insisted it describe my function

all I needed was protection from the elements

they insisted it express fragility and instability

As I grew

and gained the ability to think

I asked for the right to be seen
to be heard 

my extensive emotional vocabulary

was interpreted through the filters 

of mental chains and false respectability

I was forced to yield to the emotions of others 

before I could protect myself enough
to demand understanding

all I needed was to be loved and accepted 

they told me I could but with condition

Now I find to move in this world

I must act like a ghost

acting from repetitions and broken experiences

I shift myself into subtle acceptability

but never gaining a way in

all I need is to take my place
to walk in the present life has given me

they tell me I can do it

only according to prescription
only in the way they say is right

I must have 

I must have asked to be here

because it seems as if

I spend my life 

asking for permission to be