Save time
don't touch me
if you don't mean it
I mean
don't commit my skin to memory
if all you wanna do is fuck around
Save time
don't enter my mind
stroke my vulnerabilities
make them come
then leave
Save Time
Yes it's sweet
smells like life
and can ease your mind and body
but if you don't show up
what's the point
My being is adorned with glory
like a lily of the valley
I'm not created to be plucked
and placed in a bouquet
I'm like air
meant to live around you
and inside you
to be
but if you are trying to possess me
I will flow through your fingers
Save time
don't try to bottle a breeze
thinking you can drink it at your leisure
don't try to grasp with your hands
what is come to refresh you
Showing posts with label Purpose. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Purpose. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Experience
Love is the experience
You can hear it in the voice
of one who is earnest in their love
and faithful in their action
Wrap yourself in it
It's in the trust of children
who watch adults fail
and still believe in them
Look for it
It's in the cold glass of water you drink
and the cool breeze touching you
on a hot day
it's yearning for you
gulp it down
let it saturate you
How a person lights up seeing you
and the way sunbeams gently touch you
even as the sun beams its heat
Know this peace
feel it deeply inside
Love is the experience
You can hear it in the voice
of one who is earnest in their love
and faithful in their action
Wrap yourself in it
It's in the trust of children
who watch adults fail
and still believe in them
Look for it
It's in the cold glass of water you drink
and the cool breeze touching you
on a hot day
it's yearning for you
gulp it down
let it saturate you
How a person lights up seeing you
and the way sunbeams gently touch you
even as the sun beams its heat
Know this peace
feel it deeply inside
Love is the experience
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Trust Me:
They've been caught AGAIN! And if anyone were in front of your bedroom door, they would swear you were practicing lines for the Broadway production of the Simpson's. "Doh! Doh? Doh." You KNEW it! The tickling feeling inside, when you first addressed the issue; morphed into a roaring, pounding, piercing scream when the truth ripped open your gut. Now, instead of asking " Why me?", you ask " Why didn't I see?" The answer is: You did, but you're so untrustworthy within yourself you wouldn't believe you.
*record scratch*
I know you might think that's a typo (my typing is pretty bad), but it's not. You are the untrustworthy one and you have proved it to yourself AGAIN! How? How can it be you, when the words are coming out of someone else's mouth? You are untrustworthy to yourself, by not believing the truth you already know. The pattern and cycle were set, you repeated them and ciphered through enough to know that, even if there have been some adjustments, nothing has really changed. You feel all the unresolved questions and comments rolling within you. When confronted with the lies, the half-truths, and the omissions; You were already familiar with the truth, but for whatever reason you allowed the illusion to put you back to sleep.
It's the illusions that we build around ourselves that keep us from seeing what we already know. We have collected them from every source available to our inner space and we use them to protect ourselves from the pain of living. When reality gets to trill, we take out an illusion or two to keep us from seeing what we are looking at. This is where you are being an untrustworthy person to yourself. You aren't hearing the truth, to keep yourself safe from the pain of the lie. You aren't trusting yourself to be able to take the necessary actions to protect yourself from a liar.
In turn, you are becoming a liar to yourself.
How can this stop? Answer seems simple, trust yourself, but often it's not that simple. We have spent months maybe years lying to ourselves about what we know. We have to build trust with ourselves again. It takes time and a willingness to act on the truth we know, every time, even if we are wrong! Yes, I said it! Even if you are wrong, you have the ability to be a big enough person to apologize, but you have honored the voice inside. You have also learned that somethings you know may not come from that center, but from what you are used to experiencing.
I don't claim this is a fix all. Hell, I just endured it myself. What I do know is, when you hear the truth within you, it comes with the courage to act on what you hear. You don't need anyone outside you to validate the "knowing" for you, because you can trust yourself to do what is necessary to protect yourself from a person who seems allergic to speaking the truth. Treat the illusions you have learned as a sink of cold, dirty, greasy sink water. You have to stick your hand in it and pull hard in order to be able to pour in the clear, clean truth.
*record scratch*
I know you might think that's a typo (my typing is pretty bad), but it's not. You are the untrustworthy one and you have proved it to yourself AGAIN! How? How can it be you, when the words are coming out of someone else's mouth? You are untrustworthy to yourself, by not believing the truth you already know. The pattern and cycle were set, you repeated them and ciphered through enough to know that, even if there have been some adjustments, nothing has really changed. You feel all the unresolved questions and comments rolling within you. When confronted with the lies, the half-truths, and the omissions; You were already familiar with the truth, but for whatever reason you allowed the illusion to put you back to sleep.
It's the illusions that we build around ourselves that keep us from seeing what we already know. We have collected them from every source available to our inner space and we use them to protect ourselves from the pain of living. When reality gets to trill, we take out an illusion or two to keep us from seeing what we are looking at. This is where you are being an untrustworthy person to yourself. You aren't hearing the truth, to keep yourself safe from the pain of the lie. You aren't trusting yourself to be able to take the necessary actions to protect yourself from a liar.
In turn, you are becoming a liar to yourself.
How can this stop? Answer seems simple, trust yourself, but often it's not that simple. We have spent months maybe years lying to ourselves about what we know. We have to build trust with ourselves again. It takes time and a willingness to act on the truth we know, every time, even if we are wrong! Yes, I said it! Even if you are wrong, you have the ability to be a big enough person to apologize, but you have honored the voice inside. You have also learned that somethings you know may not come from that center, but from what you are used to experiencing.
I don't claim this is a fix all. Hell, I just endured it myself. What I do know is, when you hear the truth within you, it comes with the courage to act on what you hear. You don't need anyone outside you to validate the "knowing" for you, because you can trust yourself to do what is necessary to protect yourself from a person who seems allergic to speaking the truth. Treat the illusions you have learned as a sink of cold, dirty, greasy sink water. You have to stick your hand in it and pull hard in order to be able to pour in the clear, clean truth.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Permission
I must have
I must have asked to be here
because they act as if I did
it seems from the moment
my fusion and division took place
I have been asking to be
I asked the womb to let me go
it took it's time in expanding to set me free
all the while forcefully pressing to get me out
all I needed was space to present myself
all I needed was to feel safe
they said I needed things determined to keep me alive
they said I needed things determined to keep me alive
over what I actually expressed I needed
From the moment
it was determined I was a girl
My role in this world
was woven into the fabric I never asked to wear
all I needed was cloth to keep me warm
they insisted it describe my function
all I needed was protection from the elements
they insisted it express fragility and instability
As I grew
and gained the ability to think
I asked for the right to be seen
to be heard
to be heard
my extensive emotional vocabulary
was interpreted through the filters
of mental chains and false respectability
I was forced to yield to the emotions of others
before I could protect myself enough
to demand understanding
to demand understanding
all I needed was to be loved and accepted
they told me I could but with condition
Now I find to move in this world
I must act like a ghost
acting from repetitions and broken experiences
I shift myself into subtle acceptability
but never gaining a way in
all I need is to take my place
to walk in the present life has given me
to walk in the present life has given me
they tell me I can do it
only according to prescription
only in the way they say is right
only in the way they say is right
I must have
I must have asked to be here
because it seems as if
I spend my life
asking for permission to be
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Switch
I told myself to gather together
as many old inner dirty things
I lined them up
I thought allowing them to be beaten
by the cruelty in someone else
would make them give up
It didn't
So I tried to exchange them
for some ideas of ideals
of a future me
evolved from a present me
I can't step into yet
I thought letting myself
gather together some more words
to bind the lazy things would
create a will power made of iron
but the lazy things wilted and died
the ground they occupied fallowed
that's what I get
Again I exchanged them
with an idea of the truth
peeled words away
to take away the meaning
so I could learn again
a full grown tree broke ground in me
I never thought to answer
a full grown chicken came out an egg
Now it's time to switch
to a definition of living
I can live with
as many old inner dirty things
I lined them up
I thought allowing them to be beaten
by the cruelty in someone else
would make them give up
It didn't
So I tried to exchange them
for some ideas of ideals
of a future me
evolved from a present me
I can't step into yet
I thought letting myself
gather together some more words
to bind the lazy things would
create a will power made of iron
but the lazy things wilted and died
the ground they occupied fallowed
that's what I get
Again I exchanged them
with an idea of the truth
peeled words away
to take away the meaning
so I could learn again
a full grown tree broke ground in me
I never thought to answer
a full grown chicken came out an egg
Now it's time to switch
to a definition of living
I can live with
Friday, February 21, 2014
Playing The Part...
Life roll out the repetition, please...
It seems like that's exactly what I asked for and Life is obliging me every step of the way. Good thing I took the advice to notice what I notice or I would be missing some important lessons right now. One lesson being the ability to relate to others while being myself. Seems simple enough, but when you've spent a good part of your life living through other people's perceptions, knowing who "you" are is a pretty daunting task. Then, once you are introduced to yourself, there's the task of knowing how to discern who to share your life with and who should remain in orbit. I haven't reached this pinnacle yet, but I've learned how to recognize the path to it.
We can't escape being in relationships. Even isolated, we are in relationship to ourselves and whatever is in our environment. To me, this means, at our core, we already have the essential things we need all the time. It seems, our issue is how to take off our conditioning long enough to recognize it and learn to harvest what is already present. I'm finding the space between conditioned mind and what can be is very narrow with too many doors to choose from. What's frustrating is going through the same door over and over again. What's frightening is learning it doesn't matter which door you take, if you haven't first learned how you got in the space in the first place. From this space, I can see my choices weren't actually choices. They look more like repeated reactions based on things I'm afraid of or what I've agreed love is. These thoughts lead me to this lesson.
Much of our living, if we do not awaken to the patterns, is spent repeating our past. (duh! I know.) Much of what we call learning, is taking the past and bringing it present. Sometimes we try to change it, most of the time, we leave it as it is. We repeat this in our relationships, too. We take all of the memories, conscious or not, of all the relationships we've ever had and bring them to the present then wonder why they don't work or why they lack something essential. Like in learning, memory is the boundary, the limiting factor, of our relationships.
Around family and close friends our memory is a script we hand to each other. Often, we use these scripts to elevate the perception of our value and worth to ourselves and to others. We remind people what their place is in that circle and any deviation is taken as a treat, especially if that person is doing better than we are. Around acquaintances and strangers,our memory acts like an invisible assessment sheet that evaluates worth and value, always according to who we think we are or who we want to be-- aka projections. Until we can look past our memory, we cannot have authentic relations. On every level, we will repeat the patterns either with others or on ourselves.
Having an authentic relationship is about being able to perceive it as it is, not as we wish, want, or hope it can be with using the past. Righteous judgment is revealed when we've moved past the past. Until we are able to look at people as they are, we don't know them. We may know things about them, we may even know their patterns, but we do not know them. We can only know a person when we are intimate with them. Intimacy happens when we can share the smallest, most insignificant things of ourselves with another, without feeling less than. It happens when we can share our present experiences with knowledge that these experiences are inexhaustible. This is the moment when we know who to become intimate with and who to let stay on the periphery of our lives, in love.
If you find yourself surrounded by people that can only speak of what you used to be or do, they no longer know you. If they cannot speak about the person you are now or the things you are presently doing, you can either refresh the relationship or let them go. People who are unwilling to let you grow in their minds are invested in the role you play in their life. Give them back their scripts and walk off the stage.
It seems like that's exactly what I asked for and Life is obliging me every step of the way. Good thing I took the advice to notice what I notice or I would be missing some important lessons right now. One lesson being the ability to relate to others while being myself. Seems simple enough, but when you've spent a good part of your life living through other people's perceptions, knowing who "you" are is a pretty daunting task. Then, once you are introduced to yourself, there's the task of knowing how to discern who to share your life with and who should remain in orbit. I haven't reached this pinnacle yet, but I've learned how to recognize the path to it.
We can't escape being in relationships. Even isolated, we are in relationship to ourselves and whatever is in our environment. To me, this means, at our core, we already have the essential things we need all the time. It seems, our issue is how to take off our conditioning long enough to recognize it and learn to harvest what is already present. I'm finding the space between conditioned mind and what can be is very narrow with too many doors to choose from. What's frustrating is going through the same door over and over again. What's frightening is learning it doesn't matter which door you take, if you haven't first learned how you got in the space in the first place. From this space, I can see my choices weren't actually choices. They look more like repeated reactions based on things I'm afraid of or what I've agreed love is. These thoughts lead me to this lesson.
Much of our living, if we do not awaken to the patterns, is spent repeating our past. (duh! I know.) Much of what we call learning, is taking the past and bringing it present. Sometimes we try to change it, most of the time, we leave it as it is. We repeat this in our relationships, too. We take all of the memories, conscious or not, of all the relationships we've ever had and bring them to the present then wonder why they don't work or why they lack something essential. Like in learning, memory is the boundary, the limiting factor, of our relationships.
Around family and close friends our memory is a script we hand to each other. Often, we use these scripts to elevate the perception of our value and worth to ourselves and to others. We remind people what their place is in that circle and any deviation is taken as a treat, especially if that person is doing better than we are. Around acquaintances and strangers,our memory acts like an invisible assessment sheet that evaluates worth and value, always according to who we think we are or who we want to be-- aka projections. Until we can look past our memory, we cannot have authentic relations. On every level, we will repeat the patterns either with others or on ourselves.
Having an authentic relationship is about being able to perceive it as it is, not as we wish, want, or hope it can be with using the past. Righteous judgment is revealed when we've moved past the past. Until we are able to look at people as they are, we don't know them. We may know things about them, we may even know their patterns, but we do not know them. We can only know a person when we are intimate with them. Intimacy happens when we can share the smallest, most insignificant things of ourselves with another, without feeling less than. It happens when we can share our present experiences with knowledge that these experiences are inexhaustible. This is the moment when we know who to become intimate with and who to let stay on the periphery of our lives, in love.
If you find yourself surrounded by people that can only speak of what you used to be or do, they no longer know you. If they cannot speak about the person you are now or the things you are presently doing, you can either refresh the relationship or let them go. People who are unwilling to let you grow in their minds are invested in the role you play in their life. Give them back their scripts and walk off the stage.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Mirrors
fun house thoughts
keep me distorted in my own eyes
other people's words
judgement of being
appearances of reality
I keep laying myself naked
to people who judge my fingerprints
as broken
these other figures
rip me at with imaginings
that what I am is not enough
for myself
let alone Life
I keep agreeing
because I think them
more trained to partner Life
when Life obligated Itself to my dance card too
labels and boxes
stickers with descriptions
of being only what they say is
I scratch at the reflections
blood streaks my face
that's when I understood
the words
the thoughts
the collections of distortions
are me screaming at myself
my attacks on others for my sins
my beliefs of who I am deep down
my resistance to the stories steaming
from the maladjusted psychopathic
collective thinking
I keep nodding
I keep agreeing
then someone came along
grabbing my hand
image just as distorted
I looked at them
seeing light encased in stories
and through their eyes I recognized
myself as one of the distortions
pretending to be the real thing
the mirrors cracked and crashed
and without border and boundary
the Light dances and sings to eternity
and merrily down the stream we go
keep me distorted in my own eyes
other people's words
judgement of being
appearances of reality
I keep laying myself naked
to people who judge my fingerprints
as broken
these other figures
rip me at with imaginings
that what I am is not enough
for myself
let alone Life
I keep agreeing
because I think them
more trained to partner Life
when Life obligated Itself to my dance card too
labels and boxes
stickers with descriptions
of being only what they say is
I scratch at the reflections
blood streaks my face
that's when I understood
the words
the thoughts
the collections of distortions
are me screaming at myself
my attacks on others for my sins
my beliefs of who I am deep down
my resistance to the stories steaming
from the maladjusted psychopathic
collective thinking
I keep nodding
I keep agreeing
then someone came along
grabbing my hand
image just as distorted
I looked at them
seeing light encased in stories
and through their eyes I recognized
myself as one of the distortions
pretending to be the real thing
the mirrors cracked and crashed
and without border and boundary
the Light dances and sings to eternity
and merrily down the stream we go
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Newborn
My skin feels like
all the nerves are poking out
grated and sprinkled with salt
I thought after awhile
I could keep hiding
I could keep looking under rocks
thinking I would be there
thinking I would be there
There is nothing in between
me and I and you and
I will not assume I know anymore
I will not assume I know
I will watch bodies turn to ghosts
in the revelation that I do not know
and I no longer wish to pretend I do
I'm leaving control to those better at the reigns
power and kindness are not mutually exclusive
and my nerves feel like thorns
pressed against newborn flesh
and my eyes close to see my savior
pressed against newborn flesh
and my eyes close to see my savior
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Speak to Me
So receptive to you
everything in me questions
the idea of the duo
we seem to be
I yank on the strings
of my inner being
your voice rings in echo
Harmonies were made
to emulate the staves of your voice
I close my eyes to see
life's spectrum descend
daisies bloom in your shadow
I watch for you
your appearance
like a person who
can see to the heart of mischievous child
alighting it with love
Listening to the walls grow around me
You say
speak to me
my response
your servant listens
everything in me questions
the idea of the duo
we seem to be
I yank on the strings
of my inner being
your voice rings in echo
Harmonies were made
to emulate the staves of your voice
I close my eyes to see
life's spectrum descend
daisies bloom in your shadow
I watch for you
your appearance
like a person who
can see to the heart of mischievous child
alighting it with love
Listening to the walls grow around me
You say
speak to me
my response
your servant listens
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Wishes
If wishes were real
I would be able to
look at the sky
and be blinded by light
If wishes were real
I would be able to
take my hand
press it to my chest
and feel the drums of Africa
If wishes were real
I could look myself in the eyes
tell me a truth
that would make me cry
and set me free
If wishes were real
so would be
my love
I keep thinking
Silly as it is
that love is like
a blanket
I can cover myself in
when I am afraid
I keep hoping love is
the Mother
that strokes my hair
and the Father
that lifts me up high
til I squeal
I keep wishing
love turns into
spirit
spirit into flesh
flesh into man
and man into
my life
If wishes were real
I would hear him calling me
from a far
I would feel his thoughts of me
I would always be in his presence
If wishes were real
You are
I am
We be
and that would be all the wishes
made on falling stars
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